~ It's a Beautiful World ~

Just a short post to say that my family and I have reached Kodiak Alaska. The move from Hawaii was somewhat difficult for me, because I had to leave some people who were very dear to me. God has a plan though - He always does. He has moved us to yet another beautiful place. I sometimes cannot fathom how people could deny how great God is, how he created such a beautiful world in a matter of days. I look around, and think, I can never capture the beauty around me on film. A person has to just be here, and see it for themselves. No modern device can capture all the glory of God's handiwork in true worth. I am just thankful I can experience it, in real life.

Chocolate PB Pudding

The other day, I was trying to make chocolate syrup for pancakes...yes, I know - completely unhealthy. I messed up, and made chocolate pudding instead. I decided to add peanut butter, and oddly enough, it tasted fantastic on pancakes. If you are daring enough to try, here is the recipe. =)

Chocolate Peanut Butter Pudding

• 1 cup sugar (or Stevia, if you want to go the healthier route)
• 1/2 cup cocoa powder
• 1/8 cup cornstarch
• 2 cups milk
• 1 tsp. vanilla
• pinch of salt
• 1 heaping spoonful of peanut butter

Mix all but peanut butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat, stirring constantly. After dry ingredients dissolve, add peanut butter. Continue stirring until thick and smooth. Let cool. Eat as is, or spread over pancakes instead of using syrup. Enjoy!

My Precious Gift From God

 

 I haven't kept up with my blogging for a few months now. Since I last wrote, my precious baby boy arrived! Ian Everette Ward was born June 11, 2012 at 10:22 p.m.

My due date was June 15th, but we had been praying Ian would come a few days early so that his grandpa could see him before he left to finish flight training. Around the 10th, I knew it wouldn't be long. It's amazing how God lets our bodies tell us "it's time." 

My water broke around 6 a.m. that morning, but I was having no contractions, so I had to be induced. Anyone who has ever had that done can attest that it is not fun. I always imagined labor to be horrid, but I am sure that made it worse. Hour by hour by contractions got harder, but they never really got as bad as I had originally convinced myself it would be. 

I was planning on having him the natural way, with the help of an epidural, and a lot of prayer. At the appointed time, I was given the epidural. First of all, the pain that shoots through your spine and leg as they insert that (what I considered to be) 15 foot needle into your back, is awful. Secondly, I can't thank God enough for giving someone the genius idea of that thing. After you receive it, you feel as though you could be in labor for the next 10 years and not care. Ok, back on subject.

It was about 7:30/8:00 in the evening when they couldn't find Ian's heartbeat. They couldn't find it earlier in the day, but we all assumed it was from my moving around and the heavy contractions. They began doing all they could to find it - and the last result was me on my hands and knees trying to get him to react. Nothing. By 9:30, the midwife was very concerned. She called in the head doctor and surgeons to do an emergency c-section. To be quite honest, I was scared out of my mind. They said my husband could come watch, but he had to wait to come in until they had prepped me. The room was freezing. My heart was beating faster and faster. The light's were bright, and the room seemed to echo like a scary dream. I was surrounded by people, but the only one I wanted was my husband. I didn't know if my baby was alive or dead, and I was so afraid that  I would come out of surgery with nothing but a broken heart and stitches. I was shaking like a leaf and praying that God would help me to accept whatever the outcome was. I would still love him and serve him, but please help my selfish heart to not grow bitter. Little did I know that my husband was praying outside the operating room. 

I felt sharp pricks on my stomach, and told the doctor. Next thing I know, the room is spinning, it feels like lights are flashing, and I felt like I was in a scene of a Matrix movie. I woke up in the recovery room, and couldn't remember anything.

Later I found out that the cord had been wrapped around Ian's neck. They pulled his limp, lifeless body out and laid him on the table. Roy said he prayed so hard that God would use this little boy, dead or alive, for his God's glory. They began to do CPR, and pump oxygen into his lungs, and after what seemed like an eternity, he little out a soft cry. The doctor said in all of his years as a doctor, he had never heard such a week cry. One of Ian's lungs had collapsed, and they said he would probably be at the hospital at least a week while it healed. He was hooked to all kinds of monitors, and they had his head encased in a plastic box so he could be given pure oxygen. 

I was able to see him for a brief minute through the glass window, and then I was wheeled to my room. I wasn't able to hold him until day two, and that was the longest two days of my life. Roy would go to check on him every chance he got, and reassure me that he was okay. This picture is of Ian holding his Daddy's (Roy's) finger for the first time. It is, and probably always will be my favorite picture of him. 

 Ian's lungs were back to normal the morning after he was born. The doctor said he had never seen anything like it. Roy told him it was all God because so many people had prayed for him. And the doctor just shook his head and said it was a miracle for sure. The midwife came in that day (her day off) to check on Ian. She said she hadn't slept because she was afraid he wouldn't make it through the night. Today, Ian is alive and well, and full of personality. I still pray that God will use our little boy for him, and that he can reach untold numbers of souls for God's glory. 

~ In My Darkest Hour ~

This past week has been somewhat of a trying one. We were told we had a week to find a new place to live. I don't see how that is legal at all, but trying to keep our testimony as Christians, I'm not going to fight it. My husband has been at his new job for two weeks now, but money has been tight to say the least. I do not like to owe money, and I would rather be ahead in payments than pay on the due date. I've always been good at saving money and budgeting, but the cost of living here has been a constant trial. All my life I've known what it was like to not have extra money. I remember times where we ate crackers for dinner because that is all we had. We never starved though. We were never had to live on the streets. God has always provided for us, and even in non pleasant situations, I've never had enough cause to really complain. Someone out there is always worse off than I am. God has blessed me beyond measure, and even at my best I am unworthy of his goodness. I am not writing this blog for you - I'm writing it for myself. There are many things I'm struggling with right now, and finding it hard to have the faith I should.

~ Long Weekend ~

I thought that since I had a four day weekend ahead of me, I would get lots of sewing in. Wrong. My sewing machine broke, and despite the fact I am capable of it, I refuse to sew the things I planned to by hand. I have decided that I am going to make some jewelry and other craft items start an Etsy account. I am not sure about how it all works, but I could use a little extra cash now and then. Perhaps I could use it on my new addiction to  sewing things, or maybe prepare for the birth of my son. I realized today, that I have absolutely NOTHING for a baby. All I have is the baby. I suppose I should start shopping now, or maybe prepare for a baby shower, but I am such a procrastinator on some things! I hate feeling like I'm asking someone to buy me things by hosting a baby shower. I found a few patterns for diapers that I want to try to make when my machine is fixed, but until then, I guess I will have to put aside my stubborn ways and host a party.

School Days

I am a volunteer teacher at a Christain school, and like any school, there are questions children have that you have to find a way to answer. Today, one of the young boys was crying because he wanted to see his Dad. He doesn't even know who his Dad is. He sees all the other children at school spending time with their fathers, and he has no man in his life to guide him, or do "guy things" with. It is hard for me to know what to say in situations like this because I can't relate. I was raised in a well structured home, and never wondered who my parents were or if they loved me. I think too often I take for granted the fact that I was raised in the enviroment that I was. I was able to reassure the young boy, and he seemed to be okay. He just needed a hug and some words of encouragement. Perhaps this will remind me to pray for him more often. Perhaps his struggles in school are more than non-motivation or carelessness.

~ It all happened May 7, 2010 at 9:00 pm ~

I went into Anchorage to see Roy and get a few things done. I was so happy to be able to see him again because a plane ticket costs more than I'd like to pay, so we don't see each other often. The day after I arrived, I found out about my sisters baby, Lucy, not making it into this world. I was so upset by that, that the joy of seeing Roy had to be set aside for my sisters sake. She had just suffered a very great loss, and my heart broke for her. My mom headed out the next morning to visit my sister, and hopefully comfort her during this tragedy. Roy called me the morning she left and was so sweet, just listening to me, which was what I needed at the moment. He then said that my brother and I were invited to some friends' (Brunks) house for dinner, and he would pick us up that evening and take us over there. Our trip there was somewhat quiet because of the recent occurrences, but the conversations we had were spent mostly laughing or trying to figure out a way to include my brother, Cody, in them.

~ The Worth of One Soul ~

Yesterday my family and I were called at 4:00 in the morning by my sister who was due with her baby girl in a few days. She said that she had just had an ultrasound done, and the doctor could not find a heartbeat for the baby. When I heard the news, my heart dropped. There is nothing in the world like losing a child. I don't know this from personal experience, but I can't imagine how hard it must be. Hearing my little sister in such a heartbreaking situation is like something I can't describe. Seeing my parents with tears in their eyes, hurting for their daughter, is also indescribable. Trying to see what reasoning God has for taking this child, is so hard. It makes no sense, and yet, I know he has a plan and a reason. That little girl will never have to see the wickedness of the world.